The holidays have come and passed and I hope you felt calm, prepared, and at peace about seeing your family and friends.

If the holidays were a source of stress and angst for your this year, here are a few others tips I was thinking about that I’d love to share for when you see them next.

Grab your free Holiday Survival Guide so you’re prepared for next year! 17 real life examples of what to do and say in the most awkward and uncomfortable situations, click HERE.

A lot of times, when we spend time with our family of origin as an adult, the same patterns that we had when we were kids emerge.

We’re all of a sudden transported back to that place of a helpless 6 year old who can’t control dad’s drinking, mom’s criticism, or our brother’s bullying.

But we’re adults now and have the freedom to choose how we respond to those situations.

We’ve learned the tools we didn’t have as kids.

So here are some additional tips for the holidays and in general:

1. Remember that your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. Don’t let anyone else be the arbiter of your worth.
2. Decide ahead of time the things you’d like to respond to and decide to let some things go.
3. Choose to respond in the heat of the moment, not react.
4. Take that moment between being triggered and reacting and just breathe and decide how you’d like to respond.
5. Notice if any shame comes up for you and make a note to work on that in the future.
6. Be aware of your self talk. It’s not good self care to put yourself down.
7. Speak up if someone hurts you using “I” statements about how you feel, don’t blame or shame.
8. Respect yourself by removing yourself from a situation that doesn’t make you feel good.
9. Be an observer of others and if they say something that triggers you, realize the filter that those words are being filtered through are of the other person and they are projecting how they see reality onto you, which could be a very different reality. In other words, don’t take things personally.
10. The holidays may not be the best time to bring up your concerns with others because emotions are high! Plan to have a conversation with someone who hurts you a week or two later.

It’s also important to spend time with those who bring you joy!

If certain people simply don’t bring you joy, you have no obligation to spend time with them!

If you need help turning down an invitation to something you’d rather not attend, check out my free guidesheet on How to Say “No” Without Feeling Guilty or Bossy if you haven’t already, click HERE.

If things go awry this holiday season, remember you can always join my free community for women called The Assertive Woman Community where you can post freely about certain situations and get help and support from myself and others.

And if you need more private, focused help, I offer 1:1 coaching as well. If you’re interested, start by filling out my survey HERE.

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